My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
