is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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