I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
