so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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