dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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