Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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