dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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