Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My vagina is very pro this idea
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
