I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
