Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How does it feel to date your dad?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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