if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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