Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
