He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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