my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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