Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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