I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
