On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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