I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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