you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
then he tried to convert me to islam
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
