Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I know her cup size but not her name....
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