You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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