Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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