I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
