So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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