Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize