Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
