STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
