I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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