On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize