sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
