I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
