another moral hangover. fuck.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
