Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
