I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
