you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
