I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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