??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
