Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
