We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
