I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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