Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
