i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
