I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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