can we get nightvision for the apartment?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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