even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
