from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
