i just wanna soil my oats bro
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He did a backflip because drugs
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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