i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
