things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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