he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
