take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
