i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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