Christians are straight up FREAKS
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
