I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
