is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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