You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
