Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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