So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
