he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
