It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
