I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I want to fling myself into the sun
These tits shall not be calmed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
