when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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