True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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