yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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