She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize