and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
