Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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